We regret to inform you that Monday is cancelled.
All of it.
The decision was made earlier today by the higher-ups, the bigwigs, the grand-poobahs. The little people like us, of course, have no say in the matter.
This will undoubtedly effect the economy, but you won’t hear about it until Tuesday, since no one will be working on Monday.
Your political party will blame the other political party, and it is probably their fault after all, but they won’t be able to do anything about it until Tuesday, because there won’t be a Monday.
You might have resolved to start a new habit after the weekend, such as a healthy diet or a parkour program, but now you can’t, because no Monday. Maybe next week.
It’s going to look like Monday’s still happening – it’s still on all the calendars, and all the alarms are still going to go off – but it really is cancelled. Just take our word for it. There’s no need to get out of bed.
The Officials, Who Would Know These Things
P.S. Trust us! We wouldn’t lie about this.