Three times a week, I lace up my running shoes, put in my headphones, and go. I’m always shocked at first. Wait, I think. Why am I doing this again? But eventually I settle into a rhythm, one foot in front of the other, breathing well and steadily, and my mind begins to run alongside my body, wandering wherever the music takes me.
Today, let’s peek inside my head on a typical run, complete with soundtrack (click the links to hear the songs).
Chrono Trigger "To Far Away Timescapes" OC ReMix
Oh Heck Yeah! Video game soundtracks playlist! Woot! This is the music that was playing that one time when I saved the world! So catchy!
Even if the time travel doesn’t really make sense. Did these people read any Bradbury before they wrote this game?
Still, how many other video games have both dinosaurs AND robots?
Hmm… well, actually, quite a few of them do. And several novels. Doctor Who as well…
But this game still rocks! For other reasons, which I can’t think of right now.
Obviously, the soundtrack was bitchin’.
There must be other things…
You know what? I am totally not healthy enough to outrun a dinosaur. Or to engage one in combat to the death. I need to run more. Before we discover time travel.
Zelda 2 "TempleTrance" OC ReMix
Link and I have saved the world hundreds of times. Why, that one time when Matt had to work late, we saved the world together from start to finish in about four hours!
And I obviously never ever need to play that game again.
Come on, Tori. Link runs all over Hyrule all day. If he can do it, so can I.
Of course, he’s the Hero of Time and I’m not. I can cut myself a little slack.
Also, I don’t know that he runs all day at quite this pace. Possibly it’s just a light jog…
Or maybe he runs faster? I don’t know… fit people can run really fast and make it look effortless. He might be running way faster than he looks.
How would I calculate his pace?
I’d need to figure out how many miles across Hyrule is… But how?
World of Warcraft "Club Thrall" Myndflame
You want to talk about a character that runs all over the landscape all day, my Warcraft character did that. We’re talking hills, and snow, and sand, and inside a volcano, and that chick just kept right on running.
She sure looked good, too. And everything came in her size and looked spectacularly on her. I can’t even find a good bra.
AND she had a pet dragon to ride on. How is that even fair?
How many hours did I spend playing Warcraft before I quit? If I had spent those hours working out instead, how much faster would I be running right now?
Maybe if I had as many reasons to run as she did, I’d be more motivated? What I need are some murlocs! That’d get me running! With those teeth, and their big eyes, and their gurgling murgle… You bet your biscuits I’d run enthusiastically from those!
I could make a fortune in the fitness industry from genetically engineering murlocs. Not to mention from all the people who would pay good money for the privilege of killing them. Repeatedly.
Kirby’s Dreamland "Fountain of Dreams Redux" EliteFerrex
I feel like I have a lot in common with Kirby: we’re both squishy, we eat everything in sight, we gain superpowers from food, we dance when no one’s looking…
I can’t say I’ve ever gained power from consuming bits of my still-living enemies.
Damn, Kirby’s a little bit of hardcore. That’s, like, Viking berserker stuff right there. A pink, pudgy warrior out of ancient nightmares, the monster that the mommy waddle-dees warn their babies about.
Maybe King Dedede had the right idea all along. Hit it with a giant hammer.
I guess I don’t have as much in common with Kirby as I thought…
Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past "Farore Lies in Wait" OCReMix
Oh, yes, that’s right. Where were we?
Maybe we can use the trees somehow?
If we imagine that Link is an average height, say 5’8”, and he’s standing right next to a tree and the tree is twice his height – we’ll call it a Link Length – then the tree is two Link Lengths. So when you’re far enough away from the tree that it appears to be the same height as Link, or 1 Standard Link Length, and then figure out how many seconds it takes to reach the tree, we could theoretically come up with a distance and then a pace.
Or, I could, you know, just spend all that time running more and leave the math to people who actually know what they’re doing.
Maybe I could ask an engineer? I know a few of those! I even know a few who wouldn’t look at me funny when I ask them this very crazy question!
In fact, to most of them, the craziest part of the question will be the fact that I wish to apply the knowledge to my running workout.
Yeah, I’m a bit mystified by it myself.