After X-Men: First Class
Matt: I just thought it was interesting that Magneto, bad-ass that he is, was entirely motivated by the fact that someone killed his mommy.
Me: Hmm… you’re right. There was another bad-ass with the same motivation… what was his name… Darth something? Gimme a minute. It will come to me.
Matt: No, it wasn—Oh, god, you’re right.
(Long moment of silence)
Me: Damn prequels.
Matt: See, I was just so traumatized by those movies that I prefer to pretend they didn’t happen and forget things like that.
Me: I wish I could. What has been seen cannot be unseen.
After Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Me: I have no desire to see Hangover 2. It’s not funny. It’s a morality tale. If you get drunk at a bar, you deserve whatever happens to you. You know how my grandma doesn’t like fantasy because she can’t get over how it’s not real and could never happen? It’s like that. I can’t identify with the characters because things like The Hangover would never happen to me.
Matt: And finding the fountain of youth is something that would?
Me: No, but the characters are more realistic.
Matt: Are you saying you enjoyed Pirates because magical adventures with mermaids on the high seas are more likely to occur in real life than things like The Hangover?
Me: I’m saying that IF I found myself on a pirate ship in the 1700s with a map to the fountain of youth, I would do that shit up like a boss. That movie could totally happen. However, if I found myself in a bar with the opportunity to get drunk, I’d leave the bar. That movie doesn’t exist in my world.
Matt: What makes you so sure you’d be good at the pirate thing?
Me: Well, you just have to put yourself in Captain Jack’s shoes.
Matt: (uncontrollable laughter)
Me: I’m serious. Think about it: You’re the captain of a pirate ship and your ship has been stolen. What do you do? You get it back however you can, am I right?
After Avengers (A Facebook conversation)
Sarah: Any better today?
Me: Home sick.
Me: Gonna watch some comfort movies.
Sarah: Like what?
Me: Avengers. A few Disney princesses. Maybe Labyrinth, Willow.
Sarah: Sounds like a plan.
Me: Should have saved Avengers for last. It's almost over and I don't know how to follow it up.
Me: Maybe so. Then I get more Jeremy Renner also.
Sarah: Good point
Me: But actually… There are only two hot guys in Thor. There are six in Avengers…
Me: I could just start Avengers over again...
Me: I had that thought.
Me: I cannot unthink it.
Me: Talk me down, because that's too nerdy.
Sarah: Save the second watching for bedtime.
After Man of Steel
Matt: That was epic.
Me: It was too big! Nothing Lex Luthor does can top flying Kryptonians destroying half of Metropolis!
Matt: Yeah, I can’t really see them making a sequel.
Me: I couldn’t stop cringing every time they broke something. First Zod destroys a huge swath of the city with his death ray machine. Then Superman stops that and they have their one on one fight, but do they fight in the already destroyed parts? No! They fly to an untouched part of the city and break more stuff! And then they take it into orbit – the whole empty vastness of outer space to fight in – and what do they do? Run into a satellite.
Matt: I can see your point.
Me: And we’re supposed to believe that after all that they just go back to work at the Daily Planet as if nothing has happened and it won’t take the city months and months to recover?
Matt: They did just sort of gloss over that part, didn’t they?
Me: All that destruction made me uncomfortable!
Matt: We’ll play King of Tokyo when we get home. That’ll make you feel better.
Me: I don’t know. After Metropolis, I feel bad about destroying Tokyo.
Matt: You’ll need to get over that before Pacific Rim comes out.
Months Before The Hobbit
Me: I wish they'd make Sherlock faster.
Matt: Yeah, but in the meantime, I can’t wait to see Morgan Freeman in The Hobbit.
Me (after a moment’s thought): You mean Martin Freeman.
Matt: Yes, that’s what I mean.
Me: However, I would love to see Morgan Freeman in The Hobbit. Which part do you suppose he’d play?
Matt: The awesome black guy.
Me: No, wait, I’ve got it: Radagast the Brown.
Matt (both shocked and appalled): Wow, dear.
Me: Well, he has to be a wise, elderly, wizardly type and he can’t be Gandalf.
Before Avengers (A conversation with myself)
Woohoo! Snowed in!
It’s time for a Book to Movie marathon! Like, a literary one, perhaps.
I’ll start with Pride and Prejudice…
And then, um…
Much Ado About Nothing!
And I’ll follow up with…
Hang on… That’s not what I meant.
No, wait! It really is. Comic books are books. And… um… they’re totally literature. I heard it at a literary conference in grad school.
And Tom Hiddleston is a Shakespearian actor! I saw it on Youtube!
Days After Star Trek: Into Darkness
Me: I’ve had a thought about the movie.
Me: The Star Trek universe doesn’t use the same calendar we do.
Matt: How do you figure?
Me: It can’t really be 2259!
Me: Kahn’s been frozen for three hundred years! That would mean…
Matt: He’s being frozen right now. It still works.
Me: No, 2259 minus 300 would be 1959!
Matt: Cold war era… Maybe he was one of those Captain America experiment things.
Me: That… that makes perfect sense.
Matt: Because he was basically a super soldier.
Me: OMG! Star Trek takes place in the Marvel universe!!!
After Jack the Giant Slayer
Matt: Well, that was a fun movie.
Me: It was! I’m really enjoying Nicholas Hoult’s career so far.
Matt: He’s pretty good.
Me: Not to mention how easy he’s going to make Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon for us if he keeps this up.
Matt: Because of X-Men: First Class.
Me: Now we can leap from him to Ewan McGregor to any of the Star Wars actors, or go through Stanley Tucci to get to the Avengers franchise.
Matt: Or go from Hoult to Bill Nighy to the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.
Me: I like to get there by going through James McAvoy to Kierra Knightly in Atonement.
Matt: Yes, that also works.
Matt: I’m home!
Me: Welcome back.
Matt: Still watching this? I thought you were going to start it as soon as you got home?
Me: Oh, I did. I was watching it while I did some writing, but I wasn’t done writing when it finished, so I started it over again.
Matt: Really? You couldn’t even be bothered to put a different DVD in?
Me: That would have taken valuable time I could have spent writing.
Me: You might as well watch it with me.
Matt: Might as well.