(The following is a transcript from an unaired episode of Ghost Seekers™. Due to the frightening content of this episode, it has been kept from public television. Reader discretion is advised.)
Voiceover Guy: Tonight on Ghost Seekers™…
Tori: It’s as if I’m being watched.
Voiceover Guy: On the outskirts of Wichita, an ordinary couple…
Tori: Like there’s something in the shadows, staring at me.
Voiceover Guy: …shares their home with forces that can’t be explained.
(Creepy Theme Song)
Max Darkmore: Hello, and welcome to Ghost Seekers™. I’m your host, Max Darkmore. Tonight I’m with the Hamiltons, a Wichita couple with a dark secret.
Matt: I want no part in this.
(Mr. Hamilton attempts to leave.)
Max Darkmore: Mr. Hamilton, we’re only here to help. If you could just talk to us about these unnatural forces…
Matt: Unnatural? No. You know what? No. I’ll be downstairs playing Starcraft.
Tori: I think it’s hard for him. He likes to believe he can defend himself, but there is no defense… against the unknown…
Max Darkmore: What’s with the dramatic pause?
Tori: I thought that would be a good sound bite for you.
Max Darkmore: What?
Tori: You know, for the commercials!
Max Darkmore: Right…
Tori: I’m a big fan of the show!
Max Darkmore: Okay, listen, let me worry about the commercials. Why don’t you just tell us about these things you’ve been experiencing lately.
Tori: Well, mostly it happens when we leave the room. When we come back later, things have changed!
Max Darkmore: Go on…
Tori: Little things go missing and I find them in the darnedest places, like under the fridge, or behind the couch.
Max Darkmore: How peculiar!
Tori: Water glasses get knocked over… Sometimes, the houseplants will be completely healthy one day but droopy the next, as if some unseen entity has disturbed the roots! I’ve even found traces of potting soil on the floor surrounding the area!
Max Darkmore: It sounds like you have a high level of paranormal activity. Tell me, Mrs. Hamilton, have you ever actually seen a spirit or spirits manifest in your home?
Tori: No, not really… but sometimes I catch the cats staring at nothing and that’s kind of creepy.
Max Darkmore: Hang on… you say you have cats?
Tori: Ooh! Actually, sometimes, when I check on them in the morning, their food dish has mysteriously moved from one end of the room to the other!
Max Darkmore: Mrs. Hamilton…
Tori: Right across the floor! It’s as if it’s levitated!
Max Darkmore: It seems likely that these events you’ve experienced are simply-
Tori: And I haven’t even mentioned the noises! At night when we’re in bed, we hear them - like thumping footsteps running through the house with inhuman speed!
Max Darkmore: Inhuman, you say?
Tori: (nods) But there’s no one there!
Max Darkmore: (sighs) Okay, that’s it. We’re done here. Pack it up.
Tori: Is this where you cut to commercial?
Max Darkmore: Something like that.
(Creepy Theme Song)