Thursday, September 29, 2011

Happy Glades

In an effort to embrace the country ethic of our new home state, my husband and I wandered the Kansas State Fair with enthusiasm and gusto. We discussed the admirable qualities of the show horses, though neither of us has ever been into horses. We cheered on the pig races. We watched a chainsaw artist demonstration. Sometime after the red velvet funnel cake but before the quaint, toothless, old farmer in the livestock barn lectured us on earless goats, we found ourselves in the John Deere display.

“Let’s go back to that taco stand we passed,” I said.

“Sure,” said Matt, before he did a double take toward the tractors. “Is that a tank over there?”

Looking back, I said, “So it is…”

“Why would it be with the farm equipment?” Matt asked. The tank squatted among the tractors like a fat toad, completely out of place. There was no military recruitment booth nearby.

“I suppose it depends on what kind of animals you raise,” I said.

We gazed silently at the tank for a moment, and then our eyes met. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yes,” he said. “T-Rexes.” This is one of the many reasons I married this man.

“I’m going to write this down later, you know.”

“I hope you do.”

“What’s the name of our T-Rex farm?”

“Happy Glades,” he said.


Welcome to Happy Glades Farms, Home of the 400oz Steak!

Our family-owned, rural Kansas farm is your best choice for locally raised, all-natural T-Rex. At Happy Glades, we believe in a holistic approach to agriculture, using small-scale farming for off-the-scales livestock. All of our meats are produced right here on the farm, 100% free-range in the fresh air and sunshine of the mid-American prairie.

Here at Happy Glades, we know how important it is for you to feed your family wholesome, nutrient-rich foods. That’s why all of our Tyranosaurs are farm-raised, USDA certified organic. Our mouth-watering selection of specialty steaks come only from the very best organically produced grass-fed-beef-fed Tyranosaurs, resulting in the rich flavor of real meat. Additionally, given the realities of Natural Selection, we personally guarantee that our choice cuts of meat come from only the healthiest animals.

Our dinosaurs are never injected with synthetic hormones or vitamins, not only because Tyranosaurs tend to eat the vets who administer the shots, but because hormonal growth enhancers are bad. They’re bad for humans and bad for the environment. Also, artificial hormones come too close to playing God and we’re already pressing our luck with the genetically re-engineered dinosaurs.

But it doesn’t end with steaks! In addition to our fine meats, Happy Glade Farms offers seasonal organic produce, carrying on a fine family tradition of ecologically sustainable growing practices that enhance the environment. The unparalleled flavor of our produce comes from the quality of our all natural, residue-free fertilizer, which is available from Happy Glades in bulk year-round at extremely reasonable rates.

We know you have a choice when it comes to your family's health and diet. For quality, integrity, and really big steaks, choose Happy Glades.

No comments:

Post a Comment